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”And so, Lauren and I moved into dad’s house. It was a modern three bedroom ranch with a pool and hot tub in an upscale neighborhood. Dad was a very successful auto salesman. As I introduced Lauren to dad, his eyes got real big and he said, “You were absolutely right on son, this girl looks like a sex machine on overdrive!”“Wait dad, I never said that!”“Not in so many words. But you implied it and it’s true.” Then he took her hand and raised it over her head while she giggled. “Now, turn around so we can see that cute little ass. He slapped her ass gently as she turned. Very nice. Once more, slowly.” Lauren continued to giggle as dad twirled her around. Then he abruptly took her in his arms and kissed her on the lips. I was kind of stunned at this, but didn’t know whether or not I should object so I kept my mouth shut. He wasn’t just my dad, after all, he was also my landlord and my boss. I was highly dependent on him at the moment. He held her for a half minute or so as they looked. " All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil."The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."Dear Family & Friends,I am sorry that I have not been consistently responsive lately to your emails. I have been somewhat under the weather since my doctors informed me that I have an acute case of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue (PIST-AWF). For those of you who do not know what that is, PIST-AWF is a newly defined disease that is found to be widespread and highly contagious.Symptoms include, but may not be limited to: Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing the President pander to Muslim terrorists.Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice.Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing terrorists murdering innocent people.If you feel.
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